If It's Meant To Be...
For 2019, I made it a priority to focus on things that really mattered, and things that I can control. It seemed like there really wasn't much that I could control, especially this year. Crazy weather, a new company, kid and family stuff, in your face politics, house stuff, health, friends, etc. But what I learned, was that it was up to me. I was in control if I wanted to be.
My 7th-grade daughter rolls her eyes at me every morning. I drop her off at school, and yell out the door, as loud as I can "If it's meant to be...." then I wait with bated breath until she responds, "it's up to me". She hates it - but I don't care.
Out of our control
Obviously, there are many things that we can't control, and 2019 has been nothing short of some major uncontrollable things that have affected many people in major ways.
The Weather - So much about the weather.
Social Media - Social media rules and algorithms will continue to change without our consent. People will spew garbage on social media. False information, negativity, and oversharing happen every day.
Other People - People can do and say whatever they want. They react, they do things and they say things that are beyond our control. Get over it.
All these things have a hand in our everyday life and can make things difficult, frustrating, annoying, or whatever - personally and professionally. It doesn't matter if you're a farmer or if you're a parent or if you're working or not working. There are things that none of us can control. Period.
What can you control?
Bad things happen. Really bad things happen. It's reasonable to be mad or sad about them - feelings are legit and must be acknowledged and felt. We all fall into our ruts and some things that we can't control hit us harder than we can handle. This is not an IF, but a WHEN things hit us. And when it does happen, it's okay to ask for help, that's how you can control that.
It has taken me a lot of reading, listening and watching of Ted Talks, Gary Vaynerchuck, Mel Robbins, Brene Brown, Rachel Hollis, Tony Robbins and that entire cast of characters to really have this concept sink in. I'm a sucker for a good "you go girl" podcast or book. We all need to have that push, and I'll take it any way I can.
Every day, you have a choice as to what you do with those lingering feelings of "if only...". And the first reaction is to sit there and complain, blame someone else or even give up. Or can you do something? I would argue - there's always something you can do.
We are in control of the following:
Figuring out a solution - Use your brain, find others that are smarter and better than you to help, look at the situation from a different perspective. There is always a solution to every problem. Sometimes you even know the solution - now you have to do it. Example: to lose weight, stop eating garbage all the time.
Focusing on the positive - Appreciate the support from your friends and family. Be thankful that you learned something or met someone along the way. There is always something to be grateful for. The sun comes up every day.
Prioritizing your time - Start doing things that matter to you, and stop doing things that do not contribute to how you want to live your life. If you don't want to volunteer for an organization - DON'T. If you do want to learn a new software program - DO. If you don't want to take a Yoga class - DON'T. If you want to watch Real Housewives - DO. These are all real-life examples.
Watching what you say - Stop complaining and finding something wrong with everything. Do not go with others down the rabbit hole of poor me, everything is stupid. Stop talking about other people. What other people do and say has nothing to do with you, and you can't control it. Do not waste your time (see above). Also - just be nice to others.
Getting yourself out of your comfort zone - If you stay in your safe, comfortable place, you will stay there, and that is not progress and it's your own fault. Be vulnerable, do something you don't know how to do, talk to people who you don't know but can help you. Speak up, share your ideas, take the chance. That's where the change happens.
DOING THE WORK - Have that difficult conversation, get to the gym, press 'send', go to bed at a reasonable hour, end that relationship. You just have to find a way to make it happen - and do it.
It's hard. It can suck but letting things that you can't control, control you, sucks even more. Also remember, nobody is 100% perfect at this. It's a never-ending process.
If it's meant to be...it's up to me.